Mystified...Me

Originally Posted on March 28, 2010

 This world is a crazy twisted place. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love freaky twisted shocking shit, as long as no harm is done to others. But I am a person who wonders a whole lot, so here are some things that really make my mind do flips and say whaaathfff??

Sharpie eyebrows-
Okay people, I understand that there’s gonna be some that don’t know how to pencil in their eyebrows, BUT I see this way too much; it’s a growing trend and I just don’t get it.

Hideously long finger nails-
What really concerns me with extra long nails is I just don’t underfreakinstand how these people can wipe themselves without complete self mutilation…not to mention the unsanitary conditions that live under those bloodcurdling things.

Neck rings-
I understand this is a culture thing…but I just don’t get it…why why why? If these neck rings were removed, I wonder if the head would fall to the side like a lollipop on a soggy stick.

Massive face piercing dude-
This guy just really freaks me out. I had a nightmare about him one time - he was chasing me, and when he got close to me his piercing would spew forth at me like a porcupine and do major damage to my tender flesh!

Vinyl suits-
Apart from being really uncomfortable, you look like an idiot. And what is with the mouse ears. This gives me the creepy creepy creeps.

Washing a bunny-
This picture speaks for itself.

REALLY weird shoes-
I am a shoe girl and I love shoes but what the hell is happening out there? I have seen so many weird shoes lately. I know maybe my man BungleGrind will like these because they’re black and red. ;-)

Long too thick eyelashes-
Well this mascara works really outrageously well wouldn’t ya say?

Tongue modifications-
I really have never understood how people could pierce their tongue in general. Yeah yeah I know the sexual reason why they do it, but ya no, I would never ever mess with my tongue for any reason, it just completely grosses my shit out.  And a zipper?  Yiiikes!

Extra small waist-
It seems like any time this woman would eat it wouldn’t go down and it would back up like an overstuffed garbage disposer, and come spewing forth out of the hole in her head.

Pick up a kid when you looked like that? Jeeeeez

Lip Stretching-
Okay I know it’s another culture thing and I don’t get it but I thought it was way cool how this guy had a Weird Creatures disk in that stretchy lip of his. Even though I don’t understand the crazy lip; this guy is freakin’ awesome!!!

 

I was Once in a Sack with Cord around My Neck

Originally Posted on January 30, 2010

I am going to tell you about another near fatal incident that happened to me. Although my previous blog about my near drowning was written from my own perspective of how I experienced it and what’s in my own memory; this is only told based on the description by my family as I have no recollection of it whatsoever, all that remains as a reminder is a physical scar.

The year was 1970 and I was a little girl of 4. I was at home with my sister who was 10 and some of here friends. My mom was home and in her bedroom upstairs. My sister and her friends were acting pretty goofy dancing and playing a Beatles album on the record player. I wanted to join in the fun so I climbed up on to the step stool in our kitchen. It looks like this…we still have it in the family…

So I guess I was trying to be taller like my sister and all of her friends. I was dancing on top of the stool and then I slipped off of the chair. Somehow I landed on my face and my nose hit the bottom of the kitchen table leg. My kitchen table looked something like this with the legs that sprawl out from it. But the legs on our table were squared off and not round like this which made them sharp.

I hit the ground pretty hard I guess because it knocked me out cold. When my nose hit the metal table leg it sliced clean through my flesh on the side and blood squirted and started to pool on the ground around my head. My sister ran up stairs to get my mom while her friends gathered around me. Everyone thought I was dead because I was motionless with blood everywhere. My mom came rushing down and she thought I was dead too, but she checked me and realized that I was breathing after all. She also noticed that my nose was sliced half off of my face! She grabbed a kitchen towel to apply pressure and subdue the bleeding.

So she drove me to the emergency room while my sister held the towel in place on my face. We lived directly across the street from the hospital; it was less than a mile away. Then they revived me from being knocked out and I guess I was screaming a lot. My nose needed stitches as it had been sliced off pretty bad on the side from hitting the table. So being a rambunctious 4 year old I was kicking and screaming and they were unable to control me. So they put me in a canvas like sack with cord around my neck. They did this so that I wouldn’t punch and kick them while they worked on me. My mom said it was a terrible sight to see. But I think she probably liked it because she always liked all of that gory stuff! Ha!

Anyway, they did a good job of mending me because my nose looks okay. If one looks closely at my nose, the stitch marks can be seen up the side, but I guess it’s not too bad.

Dark Plastic Lonely Life

Original Post from April 4, 2010

 Dark Plastic Lonely Life

As a child I never really liked any dolls – especially show dolls. When I was little I always preferred the stuffed animal toys over dolls. Despite my fear of the freaky female plastic forms, my mom would adorn my room with new ones sometimes on special occasions or holidays. I don’t know why I never shared my dread of the frightful things with her as she would give to me as gifts. I guess I was too young to speak my mind. I would always fake happy and take them and on the shelf they would go in my bedroom to stare at me with their beady eyes and appalling frozen smirks on their little plastic faces,

or they would get thrown into my toy chest to live out a dark and lonely life. At night, when the moonlight would shine through my second story bedroom window, I would watch the awful faces turn into ever worsening and evolving twisted expressions as my young eyes would pear out from my blanket held right underneath my little nose. I swear I could see their faces actually change and twist and move in the moonlight; it was really strange. Deep inside I knew that this wasn’t true, and that the dolls were just plastic, but every night I would turn around to finally fall asleep with my face against the wall hugging my stuffed Red Clifford animal

that would be my savior from the living breathing plastic evil just 10 feet away from my bed. Oh and one human doll that I do remember really adoring is my Raggedy Ann that was the one that I could actually stand.

To this day I have never understood why dolls are for the majority of the time so strange looking. Even the non show type give me a good laugh most of the time. I look back and wonder now if my mom would find me the strangest looking dolls to give me because she really had a sick twisted sense of humor, and I do remember her laughing sometimes when she gave them to me. I wish I would have had the conversation with her before she passed away to get an answer…but now I’ll never know. So here’s to my mom who I have dedicated many of my blogs to because she made my childhood so peculiar and I look back on it now and it’s great, and it made me the sick twisted person I am today.

Believe it or not, I had a doll that looked kind of like this. It was thrown into my toy chest and remained there to live its life until it was finally grabbed by its leg (I’m sure) and thrown into a pile for a garage sale. It was truly ridiculously hideous don’t ya think?

One that I had on my shelf looked kinda like this…just ew

Oh my God no no no no! Just found this and thought it noteworthy…ha

 

As I got older in my childhood and started to enjoy the horror genre – I certainly would have appreciated this little baby creature…oh yeah Okay I know this is really morbid and I'm sorry...but I thought it was...well I don't know it's a doll people, so don't get your underwear all in a bunch.

And finally in closing – I want these dolls right now!

Signed,
Filthy Regan

Just One of Many Past - Scribbles Challenge #91

Original post Oct 27, 2010 

Title: Just One of Many Past

Scribbles Challenge #91

Write whatever you like using this picture as your inspiration:

Always respect the dead!

this is what he pointedly said-

I watched with eyes of dread-

as he slammed him on the steel bed-

and he prepared his bloated head-

with tools his innards were shred-

his body would be cleaned and bled-

and with chemicals he would be fed-

I think his name was Ted-

I wish I would have quickly fled-

I should have watched TV instead-

the floor was oh so wet and red-

I think this man was overfed-

he may have eaten too much bread-

his intestines began to spread-

I slipped upon a tiny thread-

on the sliminess my feet did tread-

I landed on the floor widespread-

the words on the wall could not be read-

I saw the light high overhead-

the rest is to remain unsaid.

The Horror of the Evil Esohytnam

Posted on February 21, 2010

Please beware and be forewarned!  This blog may be disturbing to some individuals.  Enter at your own risk and I'm sorry about wanting to blog about something so disturbing, but this stuff fascinates me, and I can't understand a lot of what is going on in this evil world.

First let me define what Esohytnam is in illustrations, as It is very hard for me to describe something so sickening and disturbing.

Do these look like regular dudes?

Husband or boyfriend reading the paper?

Regular guy waiting to meet a woman on the corner for a date?

Regular college student?

Office worker?

Are you catching on to the atrocity yet?

Yeah we really like this girl...yes we do...yes REALLY!

Regular skater attire?

Maybe a regular high school dude?

Regular sports fan?

Regular muscle man-legs?

All I can say here is WTFFF???

Okay still not catching on....? I'll make this a little easier...

HAHA!!

Okay people, if you haven't figured it out yet - Esohytnam is Mantyhose spelled backwards.  I heard that Satanic people spell words backwards so I thought this word deserved that recognition, with it being so wrong and all.

I think Richard Simmons wears them because he has medical leg issues which is okay ...I tried to find a picture of him wearing his Mantyhose but couldn't, so here he is in a salad...

This is how you do it guys, but please PLEASE don't...

Ladies, what would you do if your man took off his pants and...

this is what you saw?
...this guy has no junk well I know, most manikins don't, but that makes me wonder...junk squeezed in there would be uncomfortable for a guy...right?

I am perplexed as to what is happening.  Why would guys want to wear these things?  Men are turning into women and it is truly horrifying to me.

To offset the eye pain I may have caused - here's two pictures that will hopefully defuse it.

For the Women:

For the men:

For the inbetweens:

Oh yeah and I don't get Guyliner or Manscara either.

...or Manpris...

...or the Murse (man purse)...

yeah I would say no...this guy is not holding it for his wife.

Malodorous Summer Day Camp and Drowning

  Posted on December 31, 2009


When I was a young child of five my parents enrolled me in a summer day camp called Camp Monchatea. I continued to attend this camp every summer through the age of nine. I have some great memories there of friends, fun in the sun, trampolines, arts and crafts, sports activities, making rice crispy treats, and go-carts (I won the contest for the best driver of which I was extremely proud) and telling/hearing scary stories on the top story of one of the camp shelters on rainy days. I even have the memory of how my camp shelter smelled; I know this sounds weird, and no, it wasn’t a bad smell; just one I can’t describe. But I also have one memory that is the most vivid and the most unbearable. Whenever I think about it my heart rate almost always starts to quicken. It has instilled an anxiety in me and has evoked dreams that were both horrific and fascinatingly outrageous throughout my entire life. That memory was the experience of almost drowning. It was one of two things that happened to me in my childhood that could have killed me (I plan to write about the other in another post). I was 6 or so when this happened. Back then in 1972 there were no strict rules about children and wearing safety floating devices around the pool. I have never written this down before so I will give it a shot and forgive me if it’s sketchy. This is what I remember:

It was a bright sunny hot humid day and time for some ‘campy type’ swimming. Lots of kids laughing and screaming in delight in their brightly colored bathing suits; mine was pink with white trim – people frequently told me it was pretty. Girls in their bathing caps, and me in mine, which had a big pink flower on the side. I was standing there contemplating how I would get in to the pool…should I jump in…should I sit and slide down the side….should I meander over to the steps and ease myself into the cool water hmmmmm? Such difficult decisions. I sure loved to be in the pool but I really didn’t know how to swim very well….I was pretty confident about hanging on to the side in areas that were over my head and having so much fun fun fun….and……woaaaa something wacked me in the back knocked the air right out of me and I was abruptly and violently knocked into the deep end of the pool from behind! I was suddenly under water kicking my little feet. I looked up with wide panicked eyes burning from the chlorine and can see kids all around me freakishly distorted by the rippling water…I could still hear the laughing and screaming kids but it was muffled…I stretched my arms out and reached for the kids reached as far as I could and kicked but did not seem to move towards them at the top of the water! The pain in my lungs was agonizing! I needed to breath! Reaching with my arms towards the people all the little people at the top of the water…desperately needing their help!!! Why won’t they see me and help me???!!! Suddenly something pulled and jerked me up so fast…I was weak…my limbs felt like heavy anchors…I couldn’t move them…I was limp….skin scraped onto rough pool decking…bathing cap ripped off…someone’s hand on my forehead…what happened…my head is throbbing I am coughing up fluid…someone hit me in the back…I coughed some more….my eyes are closed…I can’t open them even though I am trying to open them…it is dark I want to see BUT can’t open my eyes….I hear nothing it is dead quiet but I hear my heart beating hard…that’s where my memory of the incident stops. And obviously I am still here so I eventually opened my eyes!

I ironically grew up and became a very good swimmer and love swimming even to this day. However, I have had lucid dreams about being underwater and breathing the water into my lungs and exploring the sea; dreams about being held underwater until my lungs burst and I died. I have had so many dreams of the water like nature that it has almost become a fundamental occurrence of my dreams. Some are good and some are bad…very bad. I am just glad to be alive because I could have died at the age of six.

And now my heart is racing after writing this….

After this occurrence my mom still required me to go to this camp every day even though I was terrified...and if you read my earlier blog titled Willy, Midgets and Mom, you’ll know that my mom would drag me kicking and screaming to that bus that provided door-to-door transportation, every day…UNTIL the birth of the Oompa Loompa’s! My mom was a true gem!

Cereal with a Splash of Pus ???

Posted on December 29, 2009:

Eeew you say? Why would I state such a title for this blog? Well if any of you had some cereal today with some milk on it, chances are you were pouring some pus on it too…!!!